Summiting Mt Everest: On Unlimiting

Synopsis & Links

So here it finally is: the episode that gave me so. much. grief. that it almost destroyed the Ex-Gifted podcast. Having pushed past my brain's objections and my limiting beliefs, I present it here to you, today. From this side it doesn't seem so threatening, but while I was in my head, I was deep in there, caught up in all the nuance of the topic.

Problem:

Confusing limits and limitations

Respect your limits, but throw out your limitations.

A limit is a boundary - a line that you can't or shouldn't cross. Limits are great to set to protect yourself emotionally and physically. But be careful - there can be great experiences found in discomfort. Learning your limits will help you take care of yourself, while still stretching and pushing what you once thought you could do.

A limitation is an inability. The last sentence in the previous paragraph - about what you once thought you could do - that's about your limitations. Or at least, what you thought were your limitations. Although we all have some hard and fast limitations, we usually believe in a whole lot more limitations than we actually have.

And when your thoughts get in your way, and impose (in whole or in part) a limitation upon you simply by your belief in them - that's a limiting belief. A limiting belief has to actually impose a limitation in itself. If your limitation is caused entirely by external factors (like the laws of physics), or by your complete disinterest, then it's not a limiting belief - it's just common sense.

What we can do about it:

Cure limiting beliefs with a healthy dose of skepticism. Find a troubling belief about yourself, and pick it apart. Question every bit of it. Consider if there's any possibility - however small - that your belief may not be entirely true. Ask if there might be other circumstances where it might not be true. Ask if you're enough of an expert when it comes to the topic in question (climbing Mt Everest or whatever it may be) that you're the best person to even judge exactly what circumstances would need to change to make it untrue - especially considering you aren't even a mountain climber (or if you are, insert one of your own limiting beliefs.)

Is it possible you don't know as much as you think you do? I sure as hell don't.

Make your belief stand trial and force it to prove itself beyond a shadow of a doubt. Use the words "maybe" and "yet" as much as possible.

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Music

Kawai Kitsune by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/4990-kawai-kitsune

License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license

About the Ex-Gifted Podcast:

If you are a former gifted kid who grew up to struggle with basic adulting, then you need the Ex-Gifted podcast.

Host Ren Eliza talks about gifted kid burnout, and the damage that lasts long into adulthood. Damage like battered self esteem, decimated internal motivation, and a continued failure to live up to expectations even while we were placed on pedestals and alienated from our peers.

Ex-Gifted will cover failure, procrastination, imposter syndrome, and chronic anxiety and depression, and a whole lot more.

Each episode also offers suggestions to deal with your executive dysfunction in adulthood so you can rebuild the systems that allowed you to shine so brightly in childhood.

We’re making exceptional children into functional adults.

Thanks!

Transcript

If you are ready to completely astound yourself with what you're capable of then this is the show for you. This is Ex-Gifted

Hello and welcome to the brand new format of Ex-Gifted. I guess that it's time for me to get right into it and to unlimit myself.

I did end up breaking this down into kind of two episodes. So next week's episode is going to be on The kind of last part of this one. When I first recorded it it ended up being over half an hour long and I wasn't even done talking yet. So.

What I want to talk about now is the difference between limits and limitations and where limiting beliefs actually fall into that. What I need to start with is defining the words. Because both words, the words can basically be used interchangeably. They are obviously very closely related in meaning.

But when I am talking about like personal limits versus personal limitations. I obviously am using them to mean different things. So a limit is a boundary. It is a line that can't or should not be crossed. Limits are good. Obviously it's all the rage to talk about the importance of boundaries.

So limits can be a physical boundary or it can be any kind of externally imposed boundary. Like a speed limit. Or it can be a personal boundary. When I'm saying that you should respect your limits, generally, what I'm talking about is some kind of personal boundary.

Now in the, like, Affirmations heavy. Good vibes only part of Instagram. They might tell you, like hashtag no limits. Uh, No. Limits are a good thing.

So. Yes. The point that they're making there is that you should. Uh, get out there, expose yourself to new things. Not set limits for the kinds of things that you are exposed to. To allow yourself to get uncomfortable. And I'm all for that. Obviously that's one of like literally one of my goals this year is to. Uh, try new things and to get uncomfortable.

That's what I'm doing right now. ,

And doing that as a skill. But you have to do it without traatizing yourself or burning yourself out. Like respect your limits, respect your spoons. Having boundaries setting personal limits is good for you. It makes sure that you don't go from uncomfortable, but in a good way. Like maybe eating something that's a little bit spicy. Versus uncomfortable in a bad way where you're, uh, like. Still rolling on the floor 10 minutes later. And you're like, maybe I need to go to the hospital because I are this food. That's too spicy. Like no one wants that.

And especially if you do have some kind of disability. It absolutely makes sense to keep yourself from getting burnt out or to even injure yourself or otherwise impair yourself where you're not going to be able to function properly the next day. it is great to set limits and respect them.

On the other hand, a limitation is an inability to do something. So on the surface saying to respect limits, but throw out limitations. It seems like it makes no sense because in theory, a limit can be ignored. It can be pushed past. Whereas a limitation is generally something that you would think can not be pushed past. And like, for example, that being able to - Or being ina- unable. Yeah. There we go. Inability means you're unable. Being unable to fly is a limitation that humans have without the proper apparatus you can't fly as a han. Aye. I know. I am quite certain of this.

Now. Despite the fact that yes, I believe that you should discard your limitations. I don't actually recommend like using affirmations or any other kind of like thought work to try to learn to fly. I'll get more into that in the next episode. The things that are obvious externally imposed limitations you're just kind of have to accept right. it does not make sense to spend time and energy. On, uh, fighting against things. That you know, are. Actual limitations. That are. Real imitation. Real limitations. But limitations can also be perceived.

So, what about something like summiting Mount Everest. I am not a mountain climber. I'm not really, even much of a hiker. It's fair to say that at this point in time, I can not summit Mount Everest. And I feel quite confident saying that I absolutely believe that I will never be able to summit Mount Everest.

Now is that a limitation? Is it a limitation that I cannot summit Mount Everest? Sure that that is a limitation. I don't have the skills. I don't have the money. That it takes, but we're starting to kind of get into the gray matter here.

Is it real -is it capital T true- that I can't summit Mount Everest? Or is it a perceived limitation?

Well, like I said, it takes a lot of time. It takes a lot of hard work. it takes an immense amount of money. I just quickly looked it up before I recorded this. And it's like tens, like multiple tens of thousands of dollars uh, and that's just the summiting Mount Everest part. That's not including all of the training leading up to that point. And it obviously takes physical conditioning that I don't have.

So there are physical components. Just real life, true components standing between me and Mount Everest. However there are also parts that are things that I can control. Like. I say that I don't have the time to do it, but that's not- that's not capital T true. It's certainly something that I could find the time for if that's what I wanted to do. It is an option for me to like, Peace out on all of you and like my family and everything that I do all day every day and devote my life to climbing Mount Everest.

I'm not going to do that. But it would technically be a choice that I can make.

So, I don't know. Maybe I could theoretically, climb Mount Everest. I know that I can't fly on my own. But maybe. I could climb Mount Everest under the right conditions.

So. How can I know for sure? How can I know if it's capital T true?

I can't. I don't, there is no way to know. The only way to know for sure would be to try and to succeed. That's the only way. Because if I tried and failed. Then it could be possible that under different circstances that I just wasn't quite aware of, that I could possibly get there. Yeah, it would be possible, that I could change something and eventually I could get there the only way I will ever know for sure whether or not I could climb Mount Everest is if I successfully climbed Mount Everest and then I can look back and I can say yes, that that was something that I could do because I did it.

And so. That's where limitations get really tricky and kind of fucking useless. Especially things like that that are, uh, That are the the gray areas.

But the truth is that, uh, it doesn't matter. If it's capital T true that I can not climb Mount Everest because I don't care about climbing Mount Everest. Which brings me to the other thing that I wanted to talk about. Limiting beliefs. So.

Let's define now what a limiting belief is. It is. A belief. Sorry, I can't help, but be a smart ass. It is a belief that limits you that is limiting in some way. Uh, another way to describe that. Another way to state that is that it is a belief that applies a limitation to you.

The I can't fly. Isn't a limiting belief because it's not the belief that is imposing that limitation. , it's also not a belief. It's not limiting and it's not a belief. I can't fly is just a true statement of fact, it is not a belief because a belief is inherently subjective.

So, what about. What about Mount Everest? Is it a limiting belief to say that I can't climb Mount Everest?

No. And here's why.

It's not that thought that sentence in my head that is keeping me from climbing, Mount Everest. What is imposing that particular limitation on me. Is that I have no fucking desire to summit Mount Everest. It is not something that I ever wanted to do or will want to do. So it is not the belief there. That is the issue. In fact, there is no issue because I don't care about climbing Mount Everest.

So. If it's something that you just don't care about or if it is an actual true real life limitation, then believing it is neutral at worst. Or. Otherwise just plain good sense.

But what about uh, Some other things that people tend to believe. Like Parents who think that they will always fail at parenting or. Someone who thinks they will never have a clean home. Or someone who thinks that they, uh, can't keep and set routines.

Or just like, I can't {insert anything you want to do}. Uh, Any of those things are, what we actually mean when we say limiting beliefs. They are beliefs. They're inherently subjective. You cannot know if they are capital T true. Because they don't operate uh, in a world of true and false. They exist somewhere in between.

And they actually impose the limitation on you, at least in part. With the gray matter. Of course, there may be some elements there. That are actual real life uh, limitations that you have to deal with being combined with your limiting beliefs that are just making things worse.

So going back over the list of limiting beliefs. You can ask yourself about any one of them that you have. Is it true? Like are any of those things true? Is it true that you will never be a good parent? Is it true that you'll never have a clean house.

Is it true that you are incapable of keeping routines? But I. I don't know, maybe. There's it's there's no way to know. So is it possible? Just possible at all. That maybe it isn't true?

If it's at all possible that it isn't true that that thought is something that you believe strongly but it might not be completely founded in fact, maybe "is it true?" Isn't really the answer- or the question that you should be asking yourself.

I heard someone asking just tonight in a in a Facebook group. Whether or not the belief basically how to know that the belief that she was working on believing was not just a delusion.

And. There's. There's no way for us to know that. But what's more, is that even her living in her own life. There's no way for her to know that because beliefs aren't true or false. They just are, or aren't. You believe it, or you don't believe it.

And so thinking , of a default belief as fact , is something that a lot of people do and they think that it's basically logical uh, or even scientific to just believe that this thing that they are so certain of. Uh, Must therefore be , be the truth. But it's not logical. It's dogmatic. It's the opposite.

Is it just maybe possible that you could have a clean house under different conditions? So if cleaning house is actually something that you struggle with and probably hearing that your brain. At least my brain would do, uh, started listing, listing all of the different conditions. That would have to be true. And that are all like impossible. Like you know, if I, if I was a millionaire, sure. I would have a clean house.

So if your brain started listing all of the impossible conditions, then. It's time to ask yourself, is it maybe possible , That since you have never experienced having, having a continuously clean home under your current conditions. That you might not actually even know what conditions would need to change and how. , because you don't even have the perspective from the other side.

So remember going back to Mount Everest, the only way I can know it was true. Was to be on the other side and have already accomplished it. It's the same thing for the clean house scenario. The only way you can know exactly what conditions would need to change in order for you to have a clean house would be to be on the other side looking backward. And unfortunately that's not something we know how to do yet. So.

Then maybe the clean house is like Everest. Maybe it's a gray area where the limitation limitation does actually lie partially in reality and just the external factors, but it lies partly in your own beliefs.

So then considering that Is it maybe possible that even if you could never have a clean house, even if we're going to accept that as fact. That maybe you could have a cleaner house without your belief that your house will never be clean. Again even if there's nothing you can do about those external factors, is it possible that changing that belief could At least allow you to have a cleaner house?

So in that case, is it useful to believe that your house will never be clean? Does it help you clean your house? Does that belief help you in some other way? That sounds like a rhetorical question, but it actually isn't. I really want you to answer it. If it doesn't help you get your house clean. Does it help you in another way? Uh, because it, it might.

But if not, why keep it? There's no reason to keep a belief that is limiting you, even if there are other external factors involved if it isn't bringing you some other kind of help.

And I'll talk more about that in the next episode.

So, okay. Let's say you've decided that you agree, you want to get rid of your limiting beliefs.

How?

Basically just the same thing that I just did. You break it down, you tear it apart. , you add in maybe's and yet's.

You ask if you're really sure if it's true. And if you're like, yes, I know it's true. Then you ask for proof and remember that you want more than circstantial proof? Uh, you need something that can actually demonstrate, especially for something like that you'll never have a clean house. You can maybe find proof that you never have had a clean house, but what can you do to prove that you will never have a clean house in the future?

Can you prove it? Maybe you can. I couldn't.

And then , Even if you believe that it really is true, ask yourself if you are an expert in the area of doing the thing, whatever the thing is. And therefore, you know, what is needed, you know, what has to change, or if you might be lacking perspective since you've never done the thing before.

So that's how you change a limiting belief. You have to get curious and be a skeptic. Ask yourself lots of questions. And this is not just for limiting beliefs, but do this for all your beliefs. Always be questioning the things that you believe in. Noting that you can still believe in something, even if you don't know, that it is -this is probably the last time I'm going to say this- capital T true.

One thing though, is you don't want to let other people try to disprove your limiting beliefs. Ask me how I know. When I, uh, brought up some of these beliefs with people, , these, the beliefs that I was talking about were very ingrained and very well-meaning people tried to explain to me why I was wrong. Why I, uh, shouldn't believe the thing that I believed and then confirmation bias kicks in. So if you try to disprove a belief to someone who isn't really ready to give it up yet. They are just going to go confirmation bias. Their brain is going to Pick apart your arguments, instead of picking apart, that own limiting belief they have. And just make it even more ingrained. So, unfortunately it is something you have to do yourself with a lot of questions going step by step.

One more thing that I want to go over. Before I finish is... Because cleaning is actually something I've been dealing with a lot lately. I even have a post-it here that actually has my own thought ladder. That's something that I discussed in a, uh, in another episode. Uh, my thought ladder about cleaning to work on getting rid of my limiting beliefs when it comes to cleaning.

First rung: "I hate cleaning." So that was my, that was my default thought. I hate cleaning or I hate cleaning. I will always hate cleaning.

My second thought was that "I deserve a clean, peaceful home." You do too. We all do.

So the third rung, and the one that I'm working on right now is that "elements of cleaning are peaceful." I have some rituals that I have introduced that are peaceful to me. I'm still working though on fully believing it and thinking this thought when I think about cleaning versus thinking the other thoughts, like the, I deserve to have a clean and peaceful home, uh, which is more of, "this is something that I have to slog through so that I can have the result that I want."

Step four is. "When I clean my home, I cause more peace for myself."

And then step five, "cleaning brings me peace." So, I'm on step three now. I don't know how long I will stay there. It. It could be days. It could be weeks. It could be years. I, luckily at least do not have limiting beliefs on my ability to change this one particular belief.

So I feel pretty confident that I am going to move up that ladder. if cleaning is a struggle for you and it's something that you actually have to do regularly, then make your own thought ladder. Break it down. Throw in maybes. And see where you can get.

All right. And that is the end of this episode. Next I'm going to be talking to you more about limiting beliefs, and especially those gray areas, the things where you can't know for certain if it is- I'm going to get it in one more time- capital T true. in the meantime, I hope that you enjoyed the new style of episode. if you did, I would love for you to support me uh, At ko-fi.com/RenEliza. That is K O dash F i.com/ R E N E L I Z A.

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Bye.

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